How to cope with cancer when you live alone

Finding out you have cancer can cause a whirlwind of emotions. Not to mention, you’ll also need to make important treatment decisions.

This can feel overwhelming even if you have a large support system. But what if you live alone? The thought of facing cancer when you don’t have a caregiver, let alone any friends or family nearby, can add more stress.  

“The first step to coping with a cancer diagnosis is to acknowledge your feelings so that you can process them,” says Social Work Counselor Sheeja Thomas. “Take time to do an inventory of your needs – whether it’s basic needs like nutrition and rest or more complex needs like emotional support.”

We spoke to Thomas and social work counselor Daniel Huvard, who shared advice about how to navigate a cancer diagnosis when you live alone.

Create a network to support you

If you don’t have a dedicated caregiver, it’s important to build a network of people who can assist you with tasks and provide emotional support when you need it. So, how do you go about building that network?

Plug into your local community

If you’re an MD Anderson patient, you can join:

• support groups
• myCancerConnection, MD Anderson’s one-on-one cancer support community 

Go online

“Go online and search phrases like, ‘cancer support services’ or ‘online support groups for cancer’ to find help in your area,” says Huvard. “You can also use social media to find support groups or connect with other people.”

Huvard stresses the importance of vetting organizations to make sure they’re legitimate.

• Check to see if the organization is registered as a 501(c)(3) (nonprofit organization).
• If you’re using social media, be cautious of direct messages that ask you to click on any links or ask for sensitive information, such as your medical record number, date of birth, financial information or contact information.

“Trust your gut,” he says. “No one should be asking you for financial information, such as your social security number or banking information.”  

Ask for help

It can be hard to ask for help, especially when you’re used to living independently. But even the strongest person needs help sometimes.

“Patients can feel like they’re a burden if they ask for help or share how they’re feeling,” says Thomas. “But no one will know that you need help if you don’t ask for it. Sometimes, it just takes reframing your thinking. You might say, ‘I know I’ve been in a place where I’ve helped myself, but what would it look like to help myself in this moment by asking for help?’”

It’s important, too, to know whom to go to for help, says Huvard, who suggests seeing a therapist if you feel lonely.

“Be sure to communicate your feelings to your care team,” says Thomas. “Regularly update your doctors on how you’re feeling, if you’re struggling with treatment side effects, experiencing pain or have emotional concerns. Social work counselors can offer support and counseling and provide a safe space to help you process emotions.”

Update loved ones on how you’re feeling

It’s natural for family and friends to want to help you during cancer treatment, even if they live far away.

“Consider starting a group chat with loved ones and providing updates as you see fit,” says Huvard. “This allows you to create the framework for how you want to receive support and share information.”

Some people create blogs or private social media pages for friends and family.

While it can be easy to isolate or distance yourself from loved ones after a cancer diagnosis, try to avoid doing so, Huvard cautions.

“It takes mental fortitude and self-awareness to recognize when you need support and when you need your space,” he says. “It’s important to keep people in your life but also understand your limits.”

Use apps to stay organized

After a new cancer diagnosis, you’ll be given a lot of information about appointments and treatment.

“Try not to get overwhelmed; a big part of that is staying organized,” says Thomas. “You’ll need to keep a detailed record of your treatments, medications and symptoms.”

To do so, you can:

• Use a calendar to track doctor’s appointments and medication schedules and document when you have any side effects.
• Use MyChart to manage appointments and communicate with your MD Anderson care team.
• Download digital tools, like health apps, to help manage everything from diet and exercise to your mental health.

Plan ahead

“Before you even begin treatment, start thinking about the normal day-to-day tasks you can do independently,” says Huvard. “Then assess your abilities as you go through treatment.”

For example, if you were making dinner for yourself five nights a week, that may turn into just three nights of cooking meals you can freeze for later. If you’re used to doing all the shopping and cleaning around the house, continue to do that, but adjust when necessary. Online delivery of groceries and other household items can be helpful.

“It’s important to keep up those aspects of normalcy and not just drop everything and give up,” says Huvard. “If you find that you need a little extra help, consider a home health agency or speak to a social work counselor to help identify resources. So, planning ahead might look like saving $100 extra a month for a future caregiver.”

Taking baby steps to stay on top of your care and manage your finances will make it easier to supplement your needs if your health declines during treatment.

“You don’t have to give up your independence just because you have cancer,” he says. “But you should prepare, so that you’re covered if you need more care in the future.”

Tap into local resources

When you have cancer and live alone, you’ll likely need assistance with transportation to and from appointments or tasks like picking up prescriptions.

Thomas suggests speaking to your social work counselor to help identify transportation options. They can also help you find local organizations to assist with other tasks.

Take the initiative

You’ll need to take the initiative to get the support you need while navigating your cancer diagnosis, says Huvard.

“It’s normal to feel scared after a cancer diagnosis. But the beginning is when you’re typically going to have the most energy to prepare yourself, which will be important, especially if you live alone,” he says. “Do things that reduce stress. For example, you could try to practice mindfulness by meditating or journaling. You could exercise or take a walk.”

Remember: you are your best advocate. 

“You have a team of doctors, social work counselors and patient advocates. But only you know what you’re feeling and what your needs are,” says Thomas. “Express that to your care team, so we can tailor your care. If you’re a patient without a local support system, or if you just feel lonely, tell us. That way, we can address your mental, emotional and physical needs, so you’re well-supported all around.”

Request an appointment at MD Anderson online or call 1-877-632-6789.