Things to say to someone with cancer

When a friend or loved one receives a cancer diagnosis, it's important to be there for them and show that you care. But finding the right words can be hard.

So, what do you say that won't scare or upset them? What words can you use to give them hope, or the courage they need to face treatment and its possible side effects?

We asked cancer patients, survivors and caregivers in our Facebook community to share the best things to say to someone with cancer.

Here's what they recommend.

Keep it upbeat

Choose positive, encouraging words, but don’t give false hope or talk about anyone else’s cancer outcomes. Remember: everyone is different, and hearing other people’s stories may scare your friend or loved one. Here are some good options to consider: 

• "I’m here for you." 
• “I’m praying for you." 

Be specific when offering help  

• “OK, where do we start? I want to help.”
• “This sucks. But I love you. And, I'm going to (help by ___ ).” 
• “What’s the one thing you need from me right now?” 

Or, just listen  

• “I’ve got your back.”  
• “You don’t have to face this alone.” 
• “Have you called MD Anderson yet? Here's the number: 1-877-851-1429. Do you want me to request an appointment for you?” 

What not to say 

• “Huh. You don’t look that sick.” Or, “But you look great!” 
• “It could be worse.”       
• “Don’t worry. I’m sure you’ll be fine.”       
• “Well, at least … (you caught it early, your hair won’t fall out, etc.)”       
• “That’s the best type of cancer to have!”       
• “Have you considered trying … (some unproven alternative therapy)” 

Whatever you do, don’t say nothing 

Request an appointment at MD Anderson online or call 1-877-851-1429.